pixietalksgamergate

PixieJenni talks GamerGate with both 'sides'

Thoughts on The Positives of GG

on September 24, 2014
Despite all the hate we’ve gotten (you’ve seen some of what I’ve received yourself), I am proud to be in support of GamerGate. My twitter follower list went from 500 to 1.1k, most of them gamers. I never imagined such a thing. I’ve really enjoyed talking to them and knowing that we are all connected is an amazing feeling. Most of them are really genuine people. Kind, thoughtful and intelligent. Others have been trolls but they really do exist on both sides. We don’t want to see game developers in bed with news journalists, as vulgar as that may sound. Even if the feelings are genuine, it appears as nepotism to the public. It’s hard to put faith that a review is unbiased when we find out that there’s a relationship that was hidden from us. While Nathan Greyson did not review the game, it’s the realization that relationships like that do happen that has people up in arms and all they want to do is make sure it doesn’t happen with real reviews. But so much has been spilled about game contests and other things that it’s clear that there is corruption, there’s a lot of personal relationships between devs, their bosses, fellow journalists, etc.  Having any friendships/relationships disclosed would help. It may not make people believe the actual review any more than they would have before, but they could still respect the journalist and the site for being honest about disclosing the information. There’s respect in that. What terrifies us is that we are being mislead about a game because person A had a relationship with Person B.
(I tried Depression Quest. As someone suffering with severe depression, I could not relate to it at all. Even those of us with severe depression have highs and lows and that game was one low to the next. That’s inaccurate. The game was actually successful only in the fact that playing it was depressing, but it did not represent depression in an accurate manner. Not sure how it had positive reviews. I think many people feel this way. Also, not sure how it constitutes as a real game. Telltale Gamers, for example, is a storytelling game company, but it’s not just words you read. There’s interaction, real personalities to the characters, they move, they talk, so while it is a story, it feels very much like a game. Depression Quest was an online book. That’s all. A choose your own adventure book with a flood of text and options you could choose to proceed. Also, most of the options marked out, which wouldn’t allow me to choose what I would have chosen in real life. It FORCED me to make the worst decisions, the horrible depression ones. Depressed people may be trapped in their hell of a life but they are still in control of their own decisions, even if it doesn’t bring them much joy. This game was insulting. Very very insulting. The rage I feel as I am typing this paragraph is genuine. I can see why many people — most of whom suffer from depression — are up in arms over this “game”.)
The harassment is also something that gets to me. I do not like that women are being harassed but I do believe it’s exaggerated. The fact that they continue baiting the public makes it hard for me to sympathize with them. They don’t seem to really want it to go away. When it starts to quiet down, they’ll say something that will start it back up again, like Zoe making videos booping people on twitter. What does that achieve? It makes her look like a troll. It actually confuses me that no one has told these women to stop talking about it. Stop mocking or baiting people. Law Enforcement would have told them this (which makes it hard to believe they were ever really called), and if the FBI was brought in, they definitely would tell them not to talk about it. Do not bait. Do not address. Ignore, reject, let them (the law enforcement) do all the work. I only point this out because I think a key element in gamergate ending is that these people in the social spotlight STOP baiting gamers, baiting the public. We have men on our side that’s getting harassed such as Boogie2998 and Milo. They’ve also received death threats but no one cares about that because they are men?

Years ago I was threatened to be raped by someone in the gaming community. He told me if I went to a convention, he’d find me and rape me. Another guy found out I was pregnant and told me he would find me and abort my baby with a coat hanger. Can you imagine the anger I felt at that? But even then I knew these boys were lonely, miserable people that got off on being mean towards women. Maybe part of my realizing fake evil from true evil is that I was molested as a child by my grandfather. I was very young. When I was a teenager, I was sexually abused by a brother of a roomate. It brought back all the repressed memories of my childhood and I lost control. I tried to kill myself. I was in the hospital for a week. To this day, I still suffer from severe depression and social anxiety disorder, but I do not hate men. I do not blame all men for the few bad ones in my life. Most of my gamer friends (the ones I actually play games with) are men. In fact, everyone in my core group (some of us are more serious than others) are men. They are great people. They’ve always treated me with respect. In a game, I am more bloodthirsty than them. I take games more seriously than them. If a guy in a game tells me to make them a sandwich, I’ll tell the guy to suck my dick. My friends though will usually always jump in and try to defend me and I have to constantly remind them I don’t need it. They are genuinely good men.

 

In my entire time gaming, while I can recount some bad stories like the ones I’ve shared with you, I can recognize that it’s very rare. Most of the men I come across are good. They accept me as a gamer. There’s always the occasional one that will banter in a game and it will sometimes come off as harassment but if you stop and really listen, you’ll find that they make sexual comments and generally harass other male gamers as well. What one has to realize is that this is playful bantering. Is it socially acceptable? Probably not but it’s also not intentional malice and I think that’s important to point out. That’s where this gets so skewered. People ignore the larger percentage that are really good and concentrate on the few bad experiences because we are wired that way. We always remember the horrible things in our lives and are quick to discard the good. It’s unfortunate.

 

I don’t think we are misogynists because we enjoy the games we do. I don’t think we are misogynists because we are upset with gaming journalism. I don’t think we are misogynists because we think one or two women are behaving inappropriately, we think men are too. It just gets frustrating that all they want to make it about is the hatred of women and that’s not even a real part of #GamerGate.

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